Published on: 26th July 2023
Dr Gordon Milson, consultant clinical psychologist from Stockport CAMHS, has shared some great advice with Take a Break magazine for a feature to help parents and carers support children with their mental health.
Check out Gordon's tips below and read the full piece in Take a Break.
“We can’t always solve everything for our children, but we can try to support them in building positive self-esteem and fostering a sense of resilience during difficult times.
Often people think of resilience as a character trait, but it’s actually something that’s grown, developed and nurtured through our interactions with the important people in our lives. And we can play an important role in this process.”
Help them value their strengths
‘Not everyone’s strengths are the same. Instead of letting your teen define their achievements by academic success, make a list with them of all the other areas they excel in. Perhaps they’re great at sport, acting, or are a really kind, caring person? Building on these can be great for helping them to see the wider picture and for boosting their self-esteem.’
Empower them to problem-solve
‘Don’t instantly problem-solve for your teen or tell them where they’ve gone wrong. Instead, ask their views. Welcome their ideas and thoughts on how to solve a problem and then help them build on these. By asking: “What do you think you need to do?” you’re supporting them, while empowering them to solve the situation for themselves.’
Encourage engagement and effort over achievement
‘Reward effort and how engaged your teen is with their learning, over success. If children feel engaged in education and valued in that setting, this helps foster a feeling of resilience to pressure and stress. By telling your child: “You’re a kind, hard-working person — things are going to go OK”, we can help to relieve some of that pressure.’
Help build healthy lifestyle habits
‘When it comes to resilience, a healthy brain encourages a healthy mind. So anything parents can do to help support their teen to eat more healthily, exercise more often and develop better sleep habits will help. When teens are up late on phones, they struggle to function well at school. Tired out, they then come home needing a nap, which means they’re not tired in the evenings, so they stay up late again and the cycle perpetuates. Just helping them to break bad habits like this can make a huge difference.’
Model good communication skills and resilience
‘Feeling valued, understood and supported is paramount in positive emotional development, so good communication at home is key. As parents, it’s important that we talk about difficult feelings and model good communication skills. It’s not about our teens thinking that we never cry or feel overwhelmed, but more showing how we cope and respond in those situations. For example, saying: “Sorry I shouted at you earlier. It wasn’t you, I’m just feeling stressed. I might go for a run to see if that helps”, might inspire your teen to manage stress the same way.’
Build their support network
‘Young people can often feel quite isolated, even within friendship groups. It can be helpful to encourage interests and friendships outside school to help develop self-esteem, wellbeing, and foster a sense of belonging. If a child feels encouraged, valued and liked, these connections enhance their feelings of resilience. Most importantly, if your child is struggling, never hesitate to seek support for them — whether that’s seeking additional support from therapeutic services in school, voluntary sector organisations in the local area or CAMHS.’